The Standard

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✪ The standard is a declaration of intent for our way of life ✪

 Alcohol doesn’t solve problems but neither does milk.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes.

Don’t wear tight underwear on aeroplanes.

Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs.

Salute nobody.

Boo joggers.

Sleep with somebody you like.

If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.   

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

Remember opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved it’s full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

Never lick a steak knife.

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Shopping is NOT a sport. And we are never going to think of it that way.

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bike.

✪ Live Fast ✪ Party Hard ✪ Share The Moment ✪