✪ The standard is a declaration of intent for our way of life ✪
✪Alcohol doesn’t solve problems but neither does milk.
✪Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
✪Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes.
✪ Don’t wear tight underwear on aeroplanes.
✪ Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs.
✪ Boo joggers.
✪ Sleep with somebody you like.
✪ If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
✪ Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
✪ Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
✪ A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
✪ If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
✪ Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
✪ Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
✪ No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
✪ A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.
✪ Remember opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
✪ There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
✪ Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
✪ By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
✪ Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
✪ It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
✪ If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved it’s full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.
✪ You should not confuse your career with your life.
✪ Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
✪ Never lick a steak knife.
✪ You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
✪ You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
✪ Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
✪ When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
✪ Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Shopping is NOT a sport. And we are never going to think of it that way.
✪ Money can’t buy you happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bike.
✪ Live Fast ✪ Party Hard ✪ Share The Moment ✪